Checking-In

Checking-In

Next week is finals week. I’ll earn a bachelor’s degree in applied psychology. Last Thursday was my last lecture as an undergrad. I felt nostalgia. 

A chapter ends and another begins.

Many years and sacrifices happened to get to this point. Below are some questions that I’m exploring tonight. I would love to read your thoughts on them, too. 

1. Would you do it again?

2. What would you tell now to somebody who’s starting out?

3. What would your healthiest and smartest self would advice you?

4. What did you had to give up for to accomplish this?

5. What did you discover about yourself?

 Allow yourself to learn something outside from school or your trade. That activity could become an outlet to decompress from school or related stressors. Learning about music and reading non-academic books were instrumental for me. This semester was one of the busiest I had.

Somehow, I wasn’t as stressed as I thought. It felt as if I chose to not get stressed this time around. Peers and coworkers told me many times that I looked calm and zen. 

I believe that Morita Therapy helped me with that. I haven’t had anxiety symptoms since October. Reading the book gave me a mental frame to work with my emotions differently. Also, I read and almost finished Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport. I’ve been a fan of his works for some time now. 

Taking a break from social media a few months ago helped with my work and school output. I must say that I eventually returned, but my usage is minimum. I reached a point that I don’t mind not using it; at best I use it to share my blog posts and music, no more than that.

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I’ve been working on some beats that I plan to release soon. Music has been an outlet to explore my emotions, creativity, and learning skills. I’ve been getting into producing sample-based music. You’ll notice a different flavor under Phantasiis in comparison with my usual style. 

Summer is around the corner, and with it more time to dedicate to the craft. I haven’t written here in a while, but I’m still around.

What’ve you been up to?

Hasta pronto,

— Ernesto

After the Exam

After the Exam

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I’ve been on a sea of emotions. I had highs and lows since the last blog post. I’ve smiled, cried, experienced peace and chaos. I was worried, nervous, and overwhelmed. I felt that life was on hold. I focused so much on the graduate school entry exam. The focus was so much that was causing me to neglect everything else. In a way, I stopped living and enjoying life.

It never occurred to me what I was going to do the next day.

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Why I’m Not Good Enough

Why I’m Not Good Enough

You have what it takes. At least that’s what you’ve been told. Why is this so hard to believe it then? This lack of self-confidence is in my head today. Feeling that I’m not good enough. It is causing me anxiety. This is known as the impostor syndrome. 

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Concluding Thoughts After Finishing A Song

I am releasing a new single this Friday, September 21st on Spotify. This song has a lot of meaning for me because I recorded it at the tipping point of desperation. Hence, it seemed appropriate to title it “Completely Desperate.” This song was cathartic and necessary for me to do. I have been wanting to record music for several weeks, but I could not bring myself to do it the way I envisioned it in my mind.

On that note, I realized something about creating music that I was ignoring at the time.
What I envisioned lacked perspective.

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Being Productive While On Vacation

Being Productive While On Vacation

I took some time off in order to focus on preparing to apply for graduate school in the upcoming months. The first half of the semester will be intense. I must get the fundamentals done before school starts.

Between the days and nights, I have been working on music, and learning a bit more of mixing, a skill I am currently developing.

I would like to share what I have been doing lately to keep myself on track academically and musically.

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Pressing The Record Button

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The time to explore, experiment, and create music has started again. After focusing on summer school, I finally have some time to record ideas.

On that note, hitting the record button was a scary thing to do.

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Writing Down The Anxiety

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Today, I noticed that I did not focus as much as I planned. I masked my process of busyness by doing something else that was important, but not urgent. I have a deadline to finish. However, I did not focus as much on the latter, and still, I felt productive somehow. Though the work and planning I got done at that time served me to clarify some ideas, the original plan for the day got off the rails. It is not necessarily bad at this stage in life. However, this lack of focus on the main task can hinder my future endeavors.

Prioritize and execute: something I read and it is applicable to me now. I am writing this as a reminder of keeping what is both essential and urgent. There are techniques and approaches to make the best decision when a situation like this happens: a sensation that everything is important, and that everything is urgent.

This can be overwhelming.

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On Brighter Notes

To break the pattern of the negativity that has been around lately, as well as the cognitive distortions of the mind, let us focus for once on the goodness.

It is not all darkness around me because I am allowing kindness on my being.

When the mind is distorted, however, it appears that everything is clear during that state.

Until we start writing about it.

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