Back at the Craft | Update

Back at the Craft | Update

Here’s a song that I’ve made recently. It’s an instrumental where I try to emulate the Lo-Fi genre. I hope you like it! "Where I've Been" - Ernesto Delirium I stopped making music for several weeks due to my mental state and negative mindset. I started exercising during that time and did meditation consistently. I [...]

RX to Self: Please Slow Down

RX to Self: Please Slow Down

It’s been 12 years since I started this path. Mental illness wasn’t the problem. The struggle was how to regain my confidence and self-esteem after the first onset of symptoms.  In retrospect, I felt like an observer. I was aware of my surroundings and the people around me. The constant struggle to try to belong [...]

Rx to Self: Part Three

Rx to Self: Part Three

This post is part of a series of experiences on healthcare. From realizations, patient navigation, and the implications of being divided by a border. Symptom: Misinformation and poor communication  I tend to do things on my own for most of the time. The idea of self-sufficiency is something that I look up to. When my [...]

New Year’s Evening

New Year’s Evening

It was a cold, rainy evening. I had a cold, and I didn’t really wanted to go out. That was my comfort zone claiming its place. I’m glad that I didn’t let it take over. This New Year’s Evening was one to remember. My partner and I made some home made pizza. The pizza base [...]

Checking-in

Checking-in

Its been a week of poor sleep. I feel as if my circadian rhythm got shifted. I go to bed, and wake up after three hours on average. This is not my usual self. It's been months since I had an extended period of irregular sleep. It's the stress. I've been dealing with situations since [...]

Mirrors (The Devil) – Lyrics

Mirrors (The Devil) – Lyrics

Mirrors I just crossed the line With graceful movements I saw the evil in my eyes In the mirror monuments Fear screamed from the mirror A fear I couldn't believe A fear so mysterious A fear with no reason to be Walking forward, with no direction I immerse myself into dimensions Looking for answers, asking [...]

Forever After (Anxiety) – Lyrics

Forever After (Anxiety) – Lyrics

Forever After (Anxiety) Feelings That I don’t want That I don’t need Why can’t I just make them disappear?   It makes me sad I can’t control it It's in my mind I can’t avoid it   This obsession that I have with my thoughts I cannot stop   Why I can’t just shut my [...]

The Question I Ask When I’m Feeling Anxious

The Question I Ask When I’m Feeling Anxious

I had an anxiety attack while getting ready for my internship. To be honest, I don’t know what triggered it, it just happened. I was doing well for several days. This episode served me as a reminder and a learning experience, too. I realized how quickly I can fall into a negative thinking trap. From [...]

During the Night

During the night I feel them Coming thirsty Eating my will and confidence A thousand hands Reaching to my mind Touching my fears Tempting with my life A voice speaking “Good night” Until I fall sleep Nightmares rising Waking alone Full of marks and scars Inside my thoughts I'm becoming An outsider of my own [...]

I Remember

“I remember the blood on the walls. The painting on the wall, it was her, the maiden with the black dress. It was her gaze, her black eyes that looked at me. The red was everywhere. I can’t forget it. I was laying on the floor, anxious and paranoid. And then, I saw hell on [...]

Eleven Years Ago: In Retrospect

Eleven Years Ago: In Retrospect

This past Friday, October 12, was my anniversary. When darkness happened. When the first set of symptoms triggered. When darkness arrived. I was 16 years old. I still wonder why. The only worry I had is to get good grades. Making friends wasn’t necessarily a priority. I was a lonely guy. I didn’t mind. I preferred [...]

Outlier

Outlier

“You’re an outlier,” she told me. “You’ve achieved so much compared to others,” she added. I couldn’t hold it. My eyes started tearing. My voice was cracking. I couldn’t reply to her. I’ve heard that before. She might be right, but I felt like a failure. For the rest of the day, I was too [...]