The Tree that Cried

The night brought the moonlight Caressing the tree, with patience Erasing the darkness around it Giving it life among the dead A garden full of murdered dreams. Dreams that never came true Dreams that waited an eternity But the eternal has an end here Infinity can stop on this garden The tree couldn’t understand why [...]

During the Night

During the night I feel them Coming thirsty Eating my will and confidence A thousand hands Reaching to my mind Touching my fears Tempting with my life A voice speaking “Good night” Until I fall sleep Nightmares rising Waking alone Full of marks and scars Inside my thoughts I'm becoming An outsider of my own [...]

Guidance

"Do you believe that I will do the right thing? I don’t have to ask you though, but I need your guidance. Decisions are hard for me most of the time. Everyone says that is fine, and time is being wasted waiting for guidance. I don’t know why my friend, but you seem to be [...]

I Remember

“I remember the blood on the walls. The painting on the wall, it was her, the maiden with the black dress. It was her gaze, her black eyes that looked at me. The red was everywhere. I can’t forget it. I was laying on the floor, anxious and paranoid. And then, I saw hell on [...]

Eleven Years Ago: In Retrospect

Eleven Years Ago: In Retrospect

This past Friday, October 12, was my anniversary. When darkness happened. When the first set of symptoms triggered. When darkness arrived. I was 16 years old. I still wonder why. The only worry I had is to get good grades. Making friends wasn’t necessarily a priority. I was a lonely guy. I didn’t mind. I preferred [...]

Outlier

Outlier

“You’re an outlier,” she told me. “You’ve achieved so much compared to others,” she added. I couldn’t hold it. My eyes started tearing. My voice was cracking. I couldn’t reply to her. I’ve heard that before. She might be right, but I felt like a failure. For the rest of the day, I was too [...]

Anxiety’s Cycle – A Reflection

Anxiety’s Cycle – A Reflection

The day and night cycle. For some, days with anxiety feel longer, and for others nights can be unbearable. On the other hand, there’s good days where you wish wouldn’t end. Nights that were too short. Memories that are here to stay, for better or worse. And then, there’s this bittersweet feeling that anxiety will [...]

Suicide Awareness Month: A Personal Note

Suicide Awareness Month: A Personal Note

Suicide. This is, by far, as open as I can be about it online. My first attempt happened on 2011. I rarely talk about my experience with others, and not even close relatives know this about me. The reason for the latter is because of the stigma the word suicide carries. For most of my [...]

Morita Therapy

Morita Therapy

Recently, while having a moment of anxiety, I discovered that I was doing a version of Morita therapy as a way of dealing with my symptoms. This type of therapy comes from Japanese psychology. Today, I am sharing with you what I am learning about it, and how it is helping me. The idea behind [...]

Pressing The Record Button

The time to explore, experiment, and create music has started again. After focusing on summer school, I finally have some time to record ideas. On that note, hitting the record button was a scary thing to do. I have been recording more consistently for the last two years. During that period, I was fearless of [...]

Forgetting Who I Once Was

It has been more than a decade since it happened. It was a late October night. I could not fall a sleep, and the red screen of my alarm clock was staring at me. As if the clock was getting ready to do something the moment I closed my eyes. Then, within the darkness of [...]