Seeking motivation when feeling in need of a little push. Someone who believes in me. Anybody. I wish I had people around who could tell me that I can do it. That they’re proud of me for what I’m doing.
Recognition and acknowledgment. Basic things that I believe everyone needs at different degrees. I want very little. I wished people who live with me, who know me, who are part of my life would say: you got this.
I write today to tell myself that I got this. I am whom I decide to become if I put in the work. Regardless if no one notices. Regardless that nobody really cares. I notice. I care.
Today was a day where I felt I was giving up. That I was throwing everything down. Dropping the ball. A day were I almost surrendered from my dreams and what I want.
And it did not happen. Not today. Not tomorrow. I won’t let it happen.
I’m making progress today by choosing to move forward. I chose myself. I do not need approval other than my own. I am motivating myself through writing. I hope that you don’t give up and get that motivation to move through.
I believe in you and I acknowledge you. I know I don’t know you, but know that like me, you are not really alone in this. You have what you carry inside. What gets you moving, what pushes you.
Remember why you are here. Your purpose and mission depend solely on you. No one owes you anything. I had to remind myself of it today. I was losing my essence.
Please remember why you are here and what you envision.
I’d like to start with some updates since my last post:
I feel back to normal from my severe insomnia that I had for months. Now I have a more structured day and normal hours. I’ve been making music regularly and I’ve reached a point where I decided to move forward to the next step with Phantasiis:
Start giving value to what I make.
That’s why I decided to make the first step and created a Beatstars account. I only have this song for now and I will upload some unreleased songs in the next few days. It’s a nerve-racking feeling because I never tried to sell my music, other than sharing my songs from Spotify or SoundCloud. I feel that I’m at level where I feel that my music sounds the way I like.
I have a creative project going on in the background for all of you, which I hope you’ll enjoy. I’ll write more about the details once I have a finished product. For now, it is a mystery (?).
On another note, I started to play my electric guitar again out of nowhere. Not necessarily creating something with the intention to record it, but just for the fun and the pure pleasure of it. I realized that my hands actually get sore now after extended play. I suppose it is time to do those stretching exercises (there’s some by John Petrucci on Youtube in case you’d like to do some, too).
Also, I’d like to share with you that this is my first week as a Graduate student. It is interesting how life as turned out. I’m working on becoming a Marriage and Family Therapist. I hope to keep you posted on my progress and stuff that I find interesting. I miss writing psychology articles, such as the one for Morita Therapy that I did a few years ago.
It feels good be writing for the blog again. I hope that you are doing well. As always, feel free to email me using the contact form with your comments or questions.
You have what it takes. At least that’s what you’ve been told. Why is this so hard to believe it then? This lack of self-confidence is in my head today. Feeling that I’m not good enough. It is causing me anxiety. This is known as the impostor syndrome.
I took some time off in order to focus on preparing to apply for graduate school in the upcoming months. The first half of the semester will be intense. I must get the fundamentals done before school starts.
Between the days and nights, I have been working on music, and learning a bit more of mixing, a skill I am currently developing.
I would like to share what I have been doing lately to keep myself on track academically and musically.
Today, I noticed that I did not focus as much as I planned. I masked my process of busyness by doing something else that was important, but not urgent. I have a deadline to finish. However, I did not focus as much on the latter, and still, I felt productive somehow. Though the work and planning I got done at that time served me to clarify some ideas, the original plan for the day got off the rails. It is not necessarily bad at this stage in life. However, this lack of focus on the main task can hinder my future endeavors.
Prioritize and execute: something I read and it is applicable to me now. I am writing this as a reminder of keeping what is both essential and urgent. There are techniques and approaches to make the best decision when a situation like this happens: a sensation that everything is important, and that everything is urgent.