What are You Ignoring?

What are You Ignoring?

I’ve been thinking about my priorities lately. I was taking stock on how I spend my time and money. I was wondering if I was where I wanted to be.

I’m doing alright.

For a moment, however, I considered if I could be doing better.

Continue reading “What are You Ignoring?”

Angry Hurricane – Lyrics

Angry Hurricane – Lyrics

I was feeling frustrated
I was not alone
And I just needed space

But I did not told you so
I chose to keep silence

And there I was, faking that I was fine
A hurricane of anger
But still, I made you a nice breakfast
Two eggs, sunny side up, fresh spinach and ham, with some coffee as well

I did not mention that I was furious
That I had a hurricane that was destroying me from the inside out
It was a hot summer morning
And I was feeling nothing close to warm inside

I became a frostbitten silent man
A speechless entity that was sharing breakfast next to you

I resembled more of a statue than a friend
I just did not wanted to be in me own skin
Mi silences started to speak by themselves
My body was screaming in desperation

I still do not know why I did not explode at that moment
I really wanted to release all of this

It seemed like a good idea to do it so by washing the dishes
And there I was, doing some occupational therapy

Until you noticed that the therapy that I needed was to leave me alone with my thoughts

You hugged me, and I could not hug you back the way I normally do
You left me alone, and I felt relief

I thought I handled it pretty damn good
I did not told you anything negative, nor insulting

I kept my thoughts and anger, and this hell of a hurricane inside of me as usual. As I always do.

This is just some wishful thinking
I wanted to believe that you didn’t notice
But I know you did

I know that you know my anger, and my silences
I forgot that tomorrow was your birthday

And here am I, creating havoc and hurricanes because I do not know any better

The Tree that Cried

The night brought the moonlight
Caressing the tree, with patience
Erasing the darkness around it
Giving it life among the dead

A garden full of murdered dreams.

Dreams that never came true
Dreams that waited an eternity
But the eternal has an end here
Infinity can stop on this garden

The tree couldn’t understand why
Why it was alone, surrounded by death
Entrenched in nothing bud sadness
Even its roots were flooded with anhedonia

A garden full of empty emotions.

Emotions that once were vibrant
Like the tree once was
A memory that is fading, slowly
All that is left is silence

The horrifying desperation of being alone.

The tree had nothing but the moon
That gave its light to it
Without questioning, without reasons
The tree didn’t wanted to know either

When everything around you is dead
Without dreams and hopes
Full of anhedonic creatures
Only your silence gives you company

All that’s left are the fading memories
Of what you used to be
The tree couldn’t help itself
It started to cry

The fear of nothingness arrived
The garden grew and expanded
The moon kept giving its light
Comforting the tree

But the tree was still alone.

Guidance

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“Do you believe that I will do the right thing? I don’t have to ask you though, but I need your guidance. Decisions are hard for me most of the time. Everyone says that is fine, and time is being wasted waiting for guidance. I don’t know why my friend, but you seem to be the compass of my life. I’m codependent. You are my addiction. 

You are far from me. My days are not fulfilled without you. Patience is all I have and our good memories. Is just that I miss you. I want to hear your voice. I want to see you smile. Hug you until it hurts. I want to talk to you. Sometimes it seems like you disappeared.

But it was me who left. “

Mountain

scenic view of forest during night time
Photo by Hristo Fidanov on Pexels.com

You and I created a mountain

Made of rocks of love and distance

Bushes of hugs and feelings

We build a hard resistance

We went high, very high

Reaching the sky

Creating a new life

Turning darkness into light

Suddenly, after a long time

Our apex, our top became cold

Full of ice

Our mountain was cold

And there was no heaven

Just a sad blue sky

The sun and its light

Were not enough

To warm us

Our freezing relationship

The moon was our witness

Together, covered by sea

A sea of diamond stars

Our love was decaying

Our words leaved us with cold scars

The tears of a dark cloud

Were a rampage to us, our mountain

The drops turned to a river

Dividing and destroying everything

We were getting destroyed

And our bushes drowned

Nature was right, we needed to stay apart

As a distant road that lead us to each other

But we defied nature. 

New EP Out Now

Hello All,

My new EP Uncomfortable Reflections and Other Stories is out now on all streaming platforms.

It was an intimate experience writing and recording this record. It has a lot of meaning for me since I have been in an emotional rollercoaster lately. I hope, that some of the lyrics resonate with others.

Thank you for your support.

Music as catharsis,

-E. 

On Brighter Notes

To break the pattern of the negativity that has been around lately, as well as the cognitive distortions of the mind, let us focus for once on the goodness.

It is not all darkness around me because I am allowing kindness on my being.

When the mind is distorted, however, it appears that everything is clear during that state.

Until we start writing about it.

Continue reading “On Brighter Notes”

Anger Afterhours

It is Sunday, 1:17 am, and I cannot sleep. Emotions are strong tonight. I feel anger inside. The truth is that I feel anxious, and that makes me react with anger. It makes me feel frustrated because I thought I was fine, until I started remembering.

Continue reading “Anger Afterhours”

A Friend Through The Storm

silhouette photography of boat on water during sunset
Photo by Johannes Plenio on Pexels.com

Learning that one can survive and transform from situations that are painful and out of control is reassuring.

Sadness and happiness are not forever.

Living through them accompanies a learning experience where one can learn something unique about the self, or learn something about others. When going through the storm, the choice of how are we going to react to it will impact the storm itself. Good or bad experiences have the potential to teach us something, if one is willing to learn. There are experiences where nothing is learned from them. Perhaps one does not want to learn from them, or is willing to try it once again and expect something different in return.

I try to be a vessel of stability when someone I care about is going through the storm.

What makes me uncomfortable is that, sometimes, a vessel is all I can be.

Continue reading “A Friend Through The Storm”