Angry Hurricane – Lyrics

Angry Hurricane – Lyrics

I was feeling frustrated
I was not alone
And I just needed space

But I did not told you so
I chose to keep silence

And there I was, faking that I was fine
A hurricane of anger
But still, I made you a nice breakfast
Two eggs, sunny side up, fresh spinach and ham, with some coffee as well

I did not mention that I was furious
That I had a hurricane that was destroying me from the inside out
It was a hot summer morning
And I was feeling nothing close to warm inside

I became a frostbitten silent man
A speechless entity that was sharing breakfast next to you

I resembled more of a statue than a friend
I just did not wanted to be in me own skin
Mi silences started to speak by themselves
My body was screaming in desperation

I still do not know why I did not explode at that moment
I really wanted to release all of this

It seemed like a good idea to do it so by washing the dishes
And there I was, doing some occupational therapy

Until you noticed that the therapy that I needed was to leave me alone with my thoughts

You hugged me, and I could not hug you back the way I normally do
You left me alone, and I felt relief

I thought I handled it pretty damn good
I did not told you anything negative, nor insulting

I kept my thoughts and anger, and this hell of a hurricane inside of me as usual. As I always do.

This is just some wishful thinking
I wanted to believe that you didn’t notice
But I know you did

I know that you know my anger, and my silences
I forgot that tomorrow was your birthday

And here am I, creating havoc and hurricanes because I do not know any better

Guidance

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“Do you believe that I will do the right thing? I don’t have to ask you though, but I need your guidance. Decisions are hard for me most of the time. Everyone says that is fine, and time is being wasted waiting for guidance. I don’t know why my friend, but you seem to be the compass of my life. I’m codependent. You are my addiction. 

You are far from me. My days are not fulfilled without you. Patience is all I have and our good memories. Is just that I miss you. I want to hear your voice. I want to see you smile. Hug you until it hurts. I want to talk to you. Sometimes it seems like you disappeared.

But it was me who left. “

Eleven Years Ago: In Retrospect

Eleven Years Ago: In Retrospect

This past Friday, October 12, was my anniversary. When darkness happened. When the first set of symptoms triggered. When darkness arrived. I was 16 years old. I still wonder why.

The only worry I had is to get good grades. Making friends wasn’t necessarily a priority. I was a lonely guy. I didn’t mind. I preferred silence. My classmates used to call me “the silent one.” I used to wake up, go to school, ask questions during class, and go home. I had a few friends in my neighborhood. That’s all I needed. 

Then it happened.

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New EP Out Now

Hello All,

My new EP Uncomfortable Reflections and Other Stories is out now on all streaming platforms.

It was an intimate experience writing and recording this record. It has a lot of meaning for me since I have been in an emotional rollercoaster lately. I hope, that some of the lyrics resonate with others.

Thank you for your support.

Music as catharsis,

-E. 

On Brighter Notes

To break the pattern of the negativity that has been around lately, as well as the cognitive distortions of the mind, let us focus for once on the goodness.

It is not all darkness around me because I am allowing kindness on my being.

When the mind is distorted, however, it appears that everything is clear during that state.

Until we start writing about it.

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The End of The Tunnel

Tonight, I found that I was at a lost. It was not about winning anything, or to prove a point. It was about becoming responsible for something I am not. What I was going to say did not matter, the decision was already made. An excuse was needed, that is all.

Tonight, I let someone down.

Continue reading “The End of The Tunnel”

Anger Afterhours

It is Sunday, 1:17 am, and I cannot sleep. Emotions are strong tonight. I feel anger inside. The truth is that I feel anxious, and that makes me react with anger. It makes me feel frustrated because I thought I was fine, until I started remembering.

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A Friend Through The Storm

silhouette photography of boat on water during sunset
Photo by Johannes Plenio on Pexels.com

Learning that one can survive and transform from situations that are painful and out of control is reassuring.

Sadness and happiness are not forever.

Living through them accompanies a learning experience where one can learn something unique about the self, or learn something about others. When going through the storm, the choice of how are we going to react to it will impact the storm itself. Good or bad experiences have the potential to teach us something, if one is willing to learn. There are experiences where nothing is learned from them. Perhaps one does not want to learn from them, or is willing to try it once again and expect something different in return.

I try to be a vessel of stability when someone I care about is going through the storm.

What makes me uncomfortable is that, sometimes, a vessel is all I can be.

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