What Causes You to Feel “Goosebumps”? Name Five

What Causes You to Feel “Goosebumps”? Name Five

I’d like to share mine with you.

  1. Seeing fellow artists do what they do best: making art
  2. Hearing good news from people
  3. Listening to someone speak anything that they’re passionate about
  4. Watching people dance
  5. When a plan from a loved one went better than expected

On another note.

I’m writing this on a Sunday night. This weekend was one where I needed to recharge my mind and body. To reconnect with myself. I have a decision to make about my school and career. 

Last week was good and stressful to say the least. I’m currently pursuing a graduate degree in Data Science while working full time. It proved to be much different than I anticipated.

I’m failing at both tasks. Or at least, I was.

Meanwhile, the support of my grandparents, friends, and partner has been instrumental in keeping me grounded. It was one of those moments where I thought I was doing something good, even well-intentioned. The reality is that I was setting myself up for failure.

Time is limited for me. Also, time doesn’t wait for us or our needs. As I read in a book “Time just is”. Is up to me to decide where and how I allocate my 24 hours.

On a positive note, I did have a nice weekend. I slept a lot each day. Woke up and had a cup of coffee and the rest of time revolved around music and talking to friends over discord while gaming or taking a break.

I had several moments where my skin, particularly my arms, were full of goosebumps. I tend to attribute it when good things happen or are about to happen. Think of it as a good omen.

Some of them happened while listening to other people. Others when I was by myself creating a beat or watching videos about producers or musicians making something from scratch. I love that.

Let’s dive to the five things I illustrated at the beginning.  

Seeing Fellow Artist Do What They Do Best: Making Art

Every time I see when the “magic” is being created, that smile with closed eyes while nodding your head when everything sits right in the middle of the situation. The perfect moment. When the jam session goes into that transcendental state of mind. Flow at this purest form. When suddenly the beat takes off and starts bouncing everyone one in the room. That gives me pure joy and of course, goosebumps. 

Hearing Good News from People

This happens a lot to me. When I ask how things went or the status of a given project. I get an unexpected positive response from the person telling me the good news. I can see it in their face. Again, that joyful smile full of contained happiness. Hearing good news from others makes me genuinely happy. Do you have any good news would you like to share? Leave it in the comments. I’d love to hear from you.

Listening to Someone Speak Anything that they’re Passionate About

This is one of my favorites for sure. There’s something magical about hearing someone what makes them happy. What makes them feel alive and portray just that when talking about it. I get to learn new things about that person and get to know them at a deeper level. Those smiles while talking about what you love. That’s where is at.

Watching People Dance

Do I need to elaborate on this? If the beat is good. If the song is catchy and has the right vibe and people just get down. There’s something on it that makes my skin feel different and I end up dancing as well. Though, there’s times where I start the dancing first. Just the power of music and its vibrations makes my head nod. Might as well get some moves going on. 

When A Plan from A Loved One Went Better Than Expected

Don’t you love when that happens? I’ve been hearing great plans from friends, relatives and partner that went better than expected. These types of stories give me inspiration, and, of course, goosebumps. 

What I’ve been exploring and being mindful about is cherishing those good moments. Knowing when my body is present along with my mind’s attention to the person in front of me. There’s magic on reacting to people’s happiness by means of amplifying it. Of being genuinely happy about others happiness. Even when you might not be doing well at that specific moment. Some of that goodness might get to you. Or viceversa. You might be the light on someone’s tunnel.

Be that light. Reflect it and amplify it, too.

On good feelings,

Ernesto

Choosing our Baggage

Choosing our Baggage


“You can only help people feel better about their life, but you cannot take on yourself their struggles because that’s not your load to bear.”

I’d like to take a moment to be mindful. Without my own struggles I wouldn’t have the strength to know that I can push through at the end. To begin with requires being aware that you are struggling. You can live in survival mode for an extended period and not realize you are struggling and get accustomed to it. On the other hand, you are in a hopeless situation with no future and find out too late, like it happened to me not long ago.

You might think that being in a negative situation is normal. Almost expected. When someone arrives in your life and shows you the other side, or when someone leaves your life to show you how different and positive life is without them, that’s when it hits you. It hit me hard.

Noticing that change is possible, that it can be a decision -though, sometimes difficult- is already half the battle. Bringing it to awareness is already a catalyst to make that move. To go all in, or all out and leave. In my case it was the latter.

Often, I’ve been in situations where I’m too caught up in my own narrative that it is hard to change perspective. Usually, it is my body who is the first to tell me to take a break. To remove myself from the equation I thought I had to be in to get an answer. An answer to a question that wasn’t mine to begin with. Your body might send pain signals, uneasiness, stress, anxiety, lack of motivation, energy, or sleep. These last two are the most common to me. I felt drained.

To be brief, I experienced a situation where I was sharing a space with someone who was experiencing a tough time. Initially, I was there to help that person out. It was what friends do. Sooner than later, I was already working from there and eventually living there. As the quote illustrates at the top, it took me time and pain to realize that I didn’t want this to be my life.

And there I was. Thinking about doing something right and I overdid it, putting others before me, trying to play hero where the battle wasn’t mine. It was my choice to be part of it, and it showed me how I can disguise myself as doing good when it was to fulfill a subconscious desire.

Perhaps, the idea of being needed and being able to provide for someone. I’ve been thinking long and hard about that. I know that I may have helped, and, in the end, caused pain and disappointment when I left.

I feel sorry about it. And I have reached out and asked for forgiveness.


In the end, I had to protect my wellbeing and sanity. Had to ask myself if this is how I wanted to live life. The answer was that I needed to surround myself with individuals who want to grow, that have ambition and want to find themselves.

“Don’t push a boulder uphill just because you can”

-Ernesto

Angry With A Choice

Angry With A Choice

Choosing how to react when something happens to you is a skill. I’ve been practicing it during the winter break. It’s knowing that you are in control of your reaction, regardless of the emotion being present.

This practice comes handy during times when your only option is to be strong.

Continue reading “Angry With A Choice”

Forever After (Anxiety) – Lyrics

Forever After (Anxiety) – Lyrics

Forever After (Anxiety)

Feelings

That I don’t want

That I don’t need

Why can’t I just make them disappear?

 

It makes me sad

I can’t control it

It’s in my mind

I can’t avoid it

 

This obsession

that I have

with my thoughts

I cannot stop

 

Why I can’t just shut my mind?

Why I can’t just close my eyes?

 

But I can’t

I am too anxious

Overwhelmed

So pretentious

 

It appears

that this will be

forever after

inside of me

 

I am worried

It’s hard to breathe

I am nervous

It’s hard to think

 

Anxiety follows me

You are not in here

I don’t want this

I don’t need this

 

This obsession

that I have

with my thoughts

I cannot stop

 

Why I can’t just shut my mind?

Why I can’t just close my eyes?

But I can’t

I am too anxious

Overwhelmed

So pretentious

 

It appears

that this will be

forever after

inside of me

 

Forever after

Inside of me

I just want this

To disappear


Talk To Me (Denial) – Lyrics

Talk To Me (Denial) – Lyrics

Talk To Me (Denial)

It’s been enough time

the moment has come

so you can become undone

denial, talk to me

 

There’s no reason to be

you did your affliction in me

distracted me, drained me

abused me and confused me

 

You gave me false hopes

a thousand scenarios

non of them where doable

none of them where real

 

A lack of consciousness

a lack of awareness

Denial, talk to me

let’s set our differences

 

Say what you need to say

your end is here tonight

you must talk

You must die

 

I’ve had enough

the moment is now

You’ll be undone

and witness what I’ve become

 

Come on denial, talk to me

we need to talk.


Angry Hurricane – Lyrics

Angry Hurricane – Lyrics

I was feeling frustrated
I was not alone
And I just needed space

But I did not told you so
I chose to keep silence

And there I was, faking that I was fine
A hurricane of anger
But still, I made you a nice breakfast
Two eggs, sunny side up, fresh spinach and ham, with some coffee as well

I did not mention that I was furious
That I had a hurricane that was destroying me from the inside out
It was a hot summer morning
And I was feeling nothing close to warm inside

I became a frostbitten silent man
A speechless entity that was sharing breakfast next to you

I resembled more of a statue than a friend
I just did not wanted to be in me own skin
Mi silences started to speak by themselves
My body was screaming in desperation

I still do not know why I did not explode at that moment
I really wanted to release all of this

It seemed like a good idea to do it so by washing the dishes
And there I was, doing some occupational therapy

Until you noticed that the therapy that I needed was to leave me alone with my thoughts

You hugged me, and I could not hug you back the way I normally do
You left me alone, and I felt relief

I thought I handled it pretty damn good
I did not told you anything negative, nor insulting

I kept my thoughts and anger, and this hell of a hurricane inside of me as usual. As I always do.

This is just some wishful thinking
I wanted to believe that you didn’t notice
But I know you did

I know that you know my anger, and my silences
I forgot that tomorrow was your birthday

And here am I, creating havoc and hurricanes because I do not know any better

The Tree that Cried

The night brought the moonlight
Caressing the tree, with patience
Erasing the darkness around it
Giving it life among the dead

A garden full of murdered dreams.

Dreams that never came true
Dreams that waited an eternity
But the eternal has an end here
Infinity can stop on this garden

The tree couldn’t understand why
Why it was alone, surrounded by death
Entrenched in nothing bud sadness
Even its roots were flooded with anhedonia

A garden full of empty emotions.

Emotions that once were vibrant
Like the tree once was
A memory that is fading, slowly
All that is left is silence

The horrifying desperation of being alone.

The tree had nothing but the moon
That gave its light to it
Without questioning, without reasons
The tree didn’t wanted to know either

When everything around you is dead
Without dreams and hopes
Full of anhedonic creatures
Only your silence gives you company

All that’s left are the fading memories
Of what you used to be
The tree couldn’t help itself
It started to cry

The fear of nothingness arrived
The garden grew and expanded
The moon kept giving its light
Comforting the tree

But the tree was still alone.

New Single: Farewell to All I Used to Care

New Single: Farewell to All I Used to Care

IMG_4224.JPG


Hello,

I’ve been working on improving my mixing skills. I’ve applied what I’ve learned so far on this new single, titled “Farewell to All I Used to Care”.

This song was recorded during the summer. It took time to figure out how I wanted it to sound. All I know is that it gave me this feeling of saying good-bye. This song has a lot of meaning for me because I have actually parted ways with someone especial for me. It is a bittersweet feeling knowing that things won’t be as they used to. It makes me happy, however, that I’ll be around somehow.

I feel a slight improvement on my mixing techniques. I hope that this song makes you feel something, or remember that especial someone in your life. Someone that you know won’t be getting back.

Let me know what you think.

Please enjoy.

 

During the Night

woman sleeping
Photo by Ivan Obolensky on Pexels.com


During the night

I feel them

Coming thirsty

Eating my will and confidence

A thousand hands

Reaching to my mind

Touching my fears

Tempting with my life

A voice speaking

“Good night”

Until I fall sleep

Nightmares rising

Waking alone

Full of marks and scars

Inside my thoughts I’m becoming

An outsider of my own mind.

Guidance

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“Do you believe that I will do the right thing? I don’t have to ask you though, but I need your guidance. Decisions are hard for me most of the time. Everyone says that is fine, and time is being wasted waiting for guidance. I don’t know why my friend, but you seem to be the compass of my life. I’m codependent. You are my addiction. 

You are far from me. My days are not fulfilled without you. Patience is all I have and our good memories. Is just that I miss you. I want to hear your voice. I want to see you smile. Hug you until it hurts. I want to talk to you. Sometimes it seems like you disappeared.

But it was me who left. “

I Remember

IMG_0737


“I remember the blood on the walls. The painting on the wall, it was her, the maiden with the black dress. It was her gaze, her black eyes that looked at me. The red was everywhere. I can’t forget it. I was laying on the floor, anxious and paranoid. And then, I saw hell on the tv screen.

I rise myself  and go to the bathroom. I looked at the mirror and my face wasn’t there. It was the head of an animal, with two long horns. My hearth stopped. I couldn’t look at the mirror. I didn’t wanted to see my inner demon.

My thoughts were rising. Everything was a spiral in my mind. Then I saw a letter that said that sometimes I hallucinate. That my mind was gaining control of me. The tears dropped on the letter. I felt guilty without apparent reason. All I knew was that the letter didn’t lie. Someone special sent it to me on my last day of transformation.

With such innocence, anyone can tell you the truth. That these were my last days of mental freedom. I became colder with my loved ones in one way or another. Since that day, people who knew me didn’t looked at me at the eyes the same way. Yet, I can see my weakness in their eyes. As if I lost a game and the consolation price was isolation.”

Until the Last


My time is neutral

It stopped in one scene

That’s why I’m immortal

 No more reason to bleed

One photograph tells my past

That I once lived with a smile

With a dream, without evil

Without negative desires

Even though my body is aging

Its my mind that doesn’t grow

I make the pain painless

But my body doesn’t stop

Like the rose that rises

Trying to touch the sun

It will die trying

Until the last pedal falls.