Tag: Dark

Beats, Hip-hop, Music, Music Production

Imminent Chaos | Dark Emotional Beat

by ErnestoLeave a Comment on Imminent Chaos | Dark Emotional Beat
Imminent Chaos | Dark Emotional Beat

Buy here: https://bsta.rs/1b7c030

I’d like to share with you my newest beat on Beatstars. This one was an interesting one for me because I didn’t expect to turn this dark. When I started making the beat, I was envisioning a feeling of closure, a feeling of redemption.

It turned out differently.

Once I started adding the melodies, I instantly felt the desperation the sound was portraying. Imaging a feeling of sadness that happens when you know something inevitable is going to happen. Hence, the title, “Imminent Chaos”. It felt right to name it that way.

As far as the structure goes, I went to a fast tempo, 150 bpm with a half time feeling. I spend more time on my hi hat patterns because I feel that’s one of the areas to improve with my music. Also, I tried different patterns with the kick drum. I liked how it turned out at the end.

One thing I still need to be okay with is the 808 bass. I’m sure I will make them sound better. On this occasion, the whole mix peaks at -6db. I hope to hear what a mixing engineer can do with the stems.

Please let me know what you think of it. Constructive feedback is always welcomed. Feel free to use the contact form to get in touch.

Let’s Inspire and Create,

-Ernesto

Hip-hop, Lyrics, Music, Poetry, Spoken Word

Angry Hurricane – Lyrics

by ErnestoLeave a Comment on Angry Hurricane – Lyrics
Angry Hurricane – Lyrics

I was feeling frustrated
I was not alone
And I just needed space

But I did not told you so
I chose to keep silence

And there I was, faking that I was fine
A hurricane of anger
But still, I made you a nice breakfast
Two eggs, sunny side up, fresh spinach and ham, with some coffee as well

I did not mention that I was furious
That I had a hurricane that was destroying me from the inside out
It was a hot summer morning
And I was feeling nothing close to warm inside

I became a frostbitten silent man
A speechless entity that was sharing breakfast next to you

I resembled more of a statue than a friend
I just did not wanted to be in me own skin
Mi silences started to speak by themselves
My body was screaming in desperation

I still do not know why I did not explode at that moment
I really wanted to release all of this

It seemed like a good idea to do it so by washing the dishes
And there I was, doing some occupational therapy

Until you noticed that the therapy that I needed was to leave me alone with my thoughts

You hugged me, and I could not hug you back the way I normally do
You left me alone, and I felt relief

I thought I handled it pretty damn good
I did not told you anything negative, nor insulting

I kept my thoughts and anger, and this hell of a hurricane inside of me as usual. As I always do.

This is just some wishful thinking
I wanted to believe that you didn’t notice
But I know you did

I know that you know my anger, and my silences
I forgot that tomorrow was your birthday

And here am I, creating havoc and hurricanes because I do not know any better

Personal, Poetry

The Tree that Cried

by ErnestoLeave a Comment on The Tree that Cried

The night brought the moonlight
Caressing the tree, with patience
Erasing the darkness around it
Giving it life among the dead

A garden full of murdered dreams.

Dreams that never came true
Dreams that waited an eternity
But the eternal has an end here
Infinity can stop on this garden

The tree couldn’t understand why
Why it was alone, surrounded by death
Entrenched in nothing bud sadness
Even its roots were flooded with anhedonia

A garden full of empty emotions.

Emotions that once were vibrant
Like the tree once was
A memory that is fading, slowly
All that is left is silence

The horrifying desperation of being alone.

The tree had nothing but the moon
That gave its light to it
Without questioning, without reasons
The tree didn’t wanted to know either

When everything around you is dead
Without dreams and hopes
Full of anhedonic creatures
Only your silence gives you company

All that’s left are the fading memories
Of what you used to be
The tree couldn’t help itself
It started to cry

The fear of nothingness arrived
The garden grew and expanded
The moon kept giving its light
Comforting the tree

But the tree was still alone.

Anxiety, Depression, Dreams, Life, Mental Health, Personal, Poetry, Writing

During the Night

by ErnestoLeave a Comment on During the Night

woman sleeping
Photo by Ivan Obolensky on Pexels.com

During the night

I feel them

Coming thirsty

Eating my will and confidence

A thousand hands

Reaching to my mind

Touching my fears

Tempting with my life

A voice speaking

“Good night”

Until I fall sleep

Nightmares rising

Waking alone

Full of marks and scars

Inside my thoughts I’m becoming

An outsider of my own mind.

Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, Personal, Writing

I Remember

by ErnestoLeave a Comment on I Remember

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“I remember the blood on the walls. The painting on the wall, it was her, the maiden with the black dress. It was her gaze, her black eyes that looked at me. The red was everywhere. I can’t forget it. I was laying on the floor, anxious and paranoid. And then, I saw hell on the tv screen.

I rise myself  and go to the bathroom. I looked at the mirror and my face wasn’t there. It was the head of an animal, with two long horns. My hearth stopped. I couldn’t look at the mirror. I didn’t wanted to see my inner demon.

My thoughts were rising. Everything was a spiral in my mind. Then I saw a letter that said that sometimes I hallucinate. That my mind was gaining control of me. The tears dropped on the letter. I felt guilty without apparent reason. All I knew was that the letter didn’t lie. Someone special sent it to me on my last day of transformation.

With such innocence, anyone can tell you the truth. That these were my last days of mental freedom. I became colder with my loved ones in one way or another. Since that day, people who knew me didn’t looked at me at the eyes the same way. Yet, I can see my weakness in their eyes. As if I lost a game and the consolation price was isolation.”

Depression, Personal, Poetry, Writing

Until the Last

by ErnestoLeave a Comment on Until the Last

My time is neutral

It stopped in one scene

That’s why I’m immortal

 No more reason to bleed

One photograph tells my past

That I once lived with a smile

With a dream, without evil

Without negative desires

Even though my body is aging

Its my mind that doesn’t grow

I make the pain painless

But my body doesn’t stop

Like the rose that rises

Trying to touch the sun

It will die trying

Until the last pedal falls.

Anxiety, Depression, Life, Mental Health, Personal

Eleven Years Ago: In Retrospect

by Ernesto1 Comment on Eleven Years Ago: In Retrospect
Eleven Years Ago: In Retrospect

This past Friday, October 12, was my anniversary. When darkness happened. When the first set of symptoms triggered. When darkness arrived. I was 16 years old. I still wonder why.

The only worry I had is to get good grades. Making friends wasn’t necessarily a priority. I was a lonely guy. I didn’t mind. I preferred silence. My classmates used to call me “the silent one.” I used to wake up, go to school, ask questions during class, and go home. I had a few friends in my neighborhood. That’s all I needed. 

Then it happened.

Continue reading “Eleven Years Ago: In Retrospect” →

Anxiety, Dreams, Life, Personal

Dream

by ErnestoLeave a Comment on Dream

night television tv video
Photo by Tookapic on Pexels.com

There are times where I cannot distinguish a dream from reality. I am not a frequent dreamer, but then I do dream, it is hard to distinguish if I am awake or not. I can talk, move, or react to my dreams and then waking myself up in a sea of confusion. I wake up anxious, and scared if the dream was actually a nightmare. On rare occasions, I scream while asleep, and the sound of my voice wakes me up, adding more intensity to the inexplicable fear.

Today’s dream was one of those.

Continue reading “Dream” →

Anxiety, Depression, Life

Forgetting Who I Once Was

by ErnestoLeave a Comment on Forgetting Who I Once Was

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It has been more than a decade since it happened. It was a late October night. I could not fall a sleep, and the red screen of my alarm clock was staring at me. As if the clock was getting ready to do something the moment I closed my eyes.

Then, within the darkness of the four walls that surrounded me and without any announcement, hell imploded from my insides towards the outside realm.

That lonely night stopped being lonely. Now, I had company.

Continue reading “Forgetting Who I Once Was” →

Anxiety, Life

Lessons Learned from Darkness (Anxiety)

by ErnestoLeave a Comment on Lessons Learned from Darkness (Anxiety)

adult alone backlit black and white
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Life lessons can come from anywhere and anybody. It could be a conversation with a stranger exchanging some casual small talk that somehow may enlighten the self. It could come in one sentence from a book, or a work of art as well.

One could learn from mistakes.
One could also learn from inner darkness, too.

Continue reading “Lessons Learned from Darkness (Anxiety)” →

Anxiety, Depression, Friendship, Hip-hop, Life, Music, Poetry, Spoken Word

New EP Out Now

by Ernesto1 Comment on New EP Out Now

Hello All,

My new EP Uncomfortable Reflections and Other Stories is out now on all streaming platforms.

It was an intimate experience writing and recording this record. It has a lot of meaning for me since I have been in an emotional rollercoaster lately. I hope, that some of the lyrics resonate with others.

Thank you for your support.

Music as catharsis,

-E.