I Remember

“I remember the blood on the walls. The painting on the wall, it was her, the maiden with the black dress. It was her gaze, her black eyes that looked at me. The red was everywhere. I can’t forget it. I was laying on the floor, anxious and paranoid. And then, I saw hell on […]

Eleven Years Ago: In Retrospect

This past Friday, October 12, was my anniversary. When darkness happened. When the first set of symptoms triggered. When darkness arrived. I was 16 years old. I still wonder why. The only worry I had is to get good grades. Making friends wasn’t necessarily a priority. I was a lonely guy. I didn’t mind. I preferred […]

Outlier

“You’re an outlier,” she told me. “You’ve achieved so much compared to others,” she added. I couldn’t hold it. My eyes started tearing. My voice was cracking. I couldn’t reply to her. I’ve heard that before.

Anxiety’s Cycle – A Reflection

The day and night cycle. For some, days with anxiety feel longer, and for others nights can be unbearable. On the other hand, there’s good days where you wish wouldn’t end. Nights that were too short. Memories that are here to stay, for better or worse. And then, there’s this bittersweet feeling that anxiety will […]

Morita Therapy

Recently, while having a moment of anxiety, I discovered that I was doing a version of Morita therapy as a way of dealing with my symptoms. This type of therapy comes from Japanese psychology. Today, I am sharing with you what I am learning about it, and how it is helping me.

Being Productive While On Vacation

I took some time off in order to focus on preparing to apply for graduate school in the upcoming months. The first half of the semester will be intense. I must get the fundamentals done before school starts. Between the days and nights, I have been working on music, and learning a bit more of […]

Dream

There are times where I cannot distinguish a dream from reality. I am not a frequent dreamer, but then I do dream, it is hard to distinguish if I am awake or not. I can talk, move, or react to my dreams and then waking myself up in a sea of confusion. I wake up […]

Forgetting Who I Once Was

It has been more than a decade since it happened. It was a late October night. I could not fall a sleep, and the red screen of my alarm clock was staring at me. As if the clock was getting ready to do something the moment I closed my eyes. Then, within the darkness of […]

Lessons Learned from Darkness (Anxiety)

Life lessons can come from anywhere and anybody. It could be a conversation with a stranger exchanging some casual small talk that somehow may enlighten the self. It could come in one sentence from a book, or a work of art as well. One could learn from mistakes. One could also learn from inner darkness, […]