“Hope” was my first attempt at creating a beat visualizer using FL Studio. I liked the outcome. I see myself doing more complex ones instead of using the wizard option.
Let me know your thoughts.
-Ernesto
Blog
Phantasiis – “Cosmos” | Base De Rap | Hip-Hop Instrumental | Boom-Bap Type Beats
Here’s one of my recent beats. I’ve been feeling experimental. Let me know your thoughts!
Mondai-nai!
-Ernesto
Choosing our Baggage
“You can only help people feel better about their life, but you cannot take on yourself their struggles because that’s not your load to bear.”
I’d like to take a moment to be mindful. Without my own struggles I wouldn’t have the strength to know that I can push through at the end. To begin with requires being aware that you are struggling. You can live in survival mode for an extended period and not realize you are struggling and get accustomed to it. On the other hand, you are in a hopeless situation with no future and find out too late, like it happened to me not long ago.
You might think that being in a negative situation is normal. Almost expected. When someone arrives in your life and shows you the other side, or when someone leaves your life to show you how different and positive life is without them, that’s when it hits you. It hit me hard.
Noticing that change is possible, that it can be a decision -though, sometimes difficult- is already half the battle. Bringing it to awareness is already a catalyst to make that move. To go all in, or all out and leave. In my case it was the latter.
Often, I’ve been in situations where I’m too caught up in my own narrative that it is hard to change perspective. Usually, it is my body who is the first to tell me to take a break. To remove myself from the equation I thought I had to be in to get an answer. An answer to a question that wasn’t mine to begin with. Your body might send pain signals, uneasiness, stress, anxiety, lack of motivation, energy, or sleep. These last two are the most common to me. I felt drained.
To be brief, I experienced a situation where I was sharing a space with someone who was experiencing a tough time. Initially, I was there to help that person out. It was what friends do. Sooner than later, I was already working from there and eventually living there. As the quote illustrates at the top, it took me time and pain to realize that I didn’t want this to be my life.
And there I was. Thinking about doing something right and I overdid it, putting others before me, trying to play hero where the battle wasn’t mine. It was my choice to be part of it, and it showed me how I can disguise myself as doing good when it was to fulfill a subconscious desire.
Perhaps, the idea of being needed and being able to provide for someone. I’ve been thinking long and hard about that. I know that I may have helped, and, in the end, caused pain and disappointment when I left.
I feel sorry about it. And I have reached out and asked for forgiveness.
In the end, I had to protect my wellbeing and sanity. Had to ask myself if this is how I wanted to live life. The answer was that I needed to surround myself with individuals who want to grow, that have ambition and want to find themselves.
“Don’t push a boulder uphill just because you can”
-Ernesto
Lost and Found
The feeling of being stuck and the struggle of change.
I started to think that something was off with me when I started to feel physically exhausted and mentally clouded daily. Waking up was a pain, let alone staying awake for the first hours during work. During the night I seemed alive, and I didn’t want to sleep early at all.
That’s how it started.
It was a slow buildup of a routine that I thought I could handle. Taking one hour or two of less sleep every day if I could recover them over the weekend, in theory. Add a miserable diet and the recipe was heading for a disaster.
I started to become aware of the hole I dug myself into. A few feet under in the name of productivity and my art. I felt that if I did my job well, and at the end of my shift I worked on music and played video games until late at night I was proving myself that I “could”. To perform well with little sleep and eating junk. Good luck with that.
I was paying the price of this disservice to myself. I started to notice that I was comfortable. Too comfortable where I was at the time. I started to feel that I needed a change. The question was, how was I supposed to change when I was too tired to begin with? It bothered me.
Until my girlfriend suggested that I should try working my sleep first. That was hard to do at the beginning, even if I knew she had a point. The thought of not playing video games and making music for less time than usual caused me anxiety. I was going to “miss” the possibilities.
I started to get a clear picture when I started to listen to the book ‘Can’t Hurt Me’ by David Goggins. I needed a plan and motivation. That book delivered that and much more.
Hearing his story, mindset, and how he transformed himself was inspiring. It made me ‘cut through my bullshit’ and to ‘own the mornings’ among other lessons. It really made me realize that the human body was full of potential. I was letting that go away.
I started to focus more on my relationship with my girlfriend. Living through that self-induced depression was an act of selfishness on my end. It was hurting us both. Now I am working on being present for her and taking care of myself first.
I cut my hours of video games significantly and focused some of those hours into creating more music. I am working on releasing an EP that hopefully will be released before the fall.
I started to fall asleep earlier and wake up early 6 days a week. I am starting to exercise again after a long hiatus. Mostly jogging, and bodyweight exercises.
Thanks to my girlfriend, now I am fond of salads and making smoothies. I never consumed nor ate this amount of healthy stuff in a short period of time. It is intense how the body reacts to real food.
I’m working on developing a sustainable routine that brings me wellness and more time with my loved ones. There are days where I take a breaks, such as today. I’m writing this to reflect on how easy it is to get lost in our routines, and how I found myself through change. One thing at a time.
I’m a work in progress, with no intention to end until further notice.
Lastly, I’d like to live you with this quote:
“Death smiles at us all, all a man can do is smile back.” – Marcus Aurelius
Mondai-nai!
Ernesto
Moving On, Moving Forward
We must carve our own paths.
I woke up this morning reflecting on the above. I feel that the best thing that ever happened to me was to thrive to be independent. I must confess it took longer than I expected.
I’m not sure if this is a thing but knowing that I’ll be 30 years old this year makes me introspective on my past, act in the present, and now see a more tangible future.
Saying ‘no’ to requests from others to protect my time and integrity has been key lately. I don’t want to be the person who is reached only when it is needed, nor being the facilitator to make things easy for someone when they are capable to do it themselves. The latter has been triggering to a point that I just stopped replying to such persons and even ignore them. Instant peace of mind.
I’m a helper by nature. However, I’m against stopping my overall growth as a person and especially hindering the growth of others. To elaborate, I do my best to not follow suit on favors, requests, etc. to friends, relatives, and colleagues who just want a quick fix on their needs or wants.
It is a bittersweet feeling knowing that people whom I considered close friends are now becoming distant because they don’t need anything from me. Which is a good thing and a reality check for me because I now understand that some people in life will only reach out when they need something from you who is going to benefit them exclusively.
During my quest on finding my voice through music and writing, I realize that I’m not like that. I don’t reach out to my network to ask for anything because I tend to do things own my own. I believe that there’s a dynamic that I tend to favor, which is helping someone when they’re not requesting it.
I believe there’s power in that.
When doing an act of good faith and at the same time not expecting anything in return that’s when to me, the magic happens.
I’ve been looking for opportunities to create an impact, even if minimal, within my circle of friends and relatives. Just doing, saying, or giving things that will help that person grow, and carve their own path with a new tool, new mental model, or new perspective.
There’s a thin line regarding that, and I must be mindful. Not everyone I know will take advantage when there’s opportunity to grow and move forward. Even me.
In short, I’m being more mindful on who I give my time and attention to. I want to know and find people who have a growth mindset and that like me, want to carve their own path.
New Single “In the Mood” out on January 15th
Get in the mood with this song.
I approached this song in a unique way, and it turned out more organic than my usual theme. This song is a slow tempo song with a bass line that adds vibe to the song.
I hope that it teleports you somewhere special.
Thank you.
On Creativity,
Ernesto
New Single “Good Morning Sunshine” on January 8th
Good morning!
This is the second song to be released on most streaming platforms this January 8th. This song is a good one to listen while having your morning coffee, hence the title.
You can pre-save it on Spotify by clicking here. You’ll have an option to share your email and get future updates on upcoming releases.
Thank you for listening.
On Creativity,
Ernesto
New Single “Shadow on the Wall” on January 8th
Happy New Year to you!
I’m starting by releasing some singles that I’ve been working on. The first one is called “Shadow on the Wall”, which is an instrumental song. It was a fun project to do. It is scheduled to be released on January 8th on most streaming platforms.
If you’d like to pre-save it on your Spotify, click here. You’ll have the option to add your email if you’d like to subscribe to my email list. I hope this song makes you imagine something or sends you to a good place.
Thank you for your support.
On Creativity,
Ernesto
Producing My First Vocal Recording
I’ve been exploring my lyrics in Spanish, my first language. The reason for that is because I can rhyme and improvise better with it. My written and spoken English is more academic rather than metaphorical or artistic. I felt limited.
This process took several months of trial and error. I’m mostly self-thought on my music and production skills. At a certain point I felt certain guilt of investing so much time, money, and hours on this craft and not releasing anything to the world. While it is not a requirement, I felt compelled to share my music and change of sound since my old project Ernesto Delirium.
I remember that I wrote that Phantasiis was going to be a new project where I’ll focus on hip-hop, rap, and instrumentals. I’ve kept my word. However, this website wasn’t reflecting that.
Which brings me to this post.
Here’s my first attempt at producing a rap song made by yours truly. I’ve invested in a microphone and decided to try it, after much hesitation on my ability to create something different than a rough recording. I’ve used all the tools that I had available and mixed this song to the best of my ability.
It turned out decent.
To me this is huge as a self-thought music producer. It is a new milestone on my skillset. I’m working on some releases and writing lyrics as well. I’ll update you soon about it.
Happy New Year!
On New Beginnings,
-Ernesto
“Volverte A ver” | Demo | Prod. and Written by Phantasiis
Hola, espero estes muy bien. Llevo mucho tiempo sin publicar aqui. Sin embargo, eh estado haciendo musica y letras para esas canciones. En ese video encontraras una de ellas. Y a mi de paso. Que estes bien, un abrazo. -Ernesto, “phantasiis”
“Volverte A ver” | Demo — Phantasiis
From my blog in Spanish.
I know I’ve been absent. I’ve been working on music and exploring lyrics in my first language. I hope you are doing great.
I’ll write a longer post with updates and news soon.
In case you’d like to follow my YouTube channel, you can do it here.
Create. Inspire.
On creativity,
-Ernesto
Motivation – You got this
Recognition and acknowledgment. Basic things that I believe everyone needs at different degrees. I want very little. I wished people who live with me, who know me, who are part of my life would say: you got this.
I write today to tell myself that I got this. I am whom I decide to become if I put in the work. Regardless if no one notices. Regardless that nobody really cares. I notice. I care.
Today was a day where I felt I was giving up. That I was throwing everything down. Dropping the ball. A day were I almost surrendered from my dreams and what I want.
And it did not happen. Not today. Not tomorrow. I won’t let it happen.
I’m making progress today by choosing to move forward. I chose myself. I do not need approval other than my own. I am motivating myself through writing. I hope that you don’t give up and get that motivation to move through.
I believe in you and I acknowledge you. I know I don’t know you, but know that like me, you are not really alone in this. You have what you carry inside. What gets you moving, what pushes you.
Remember why you are here. Your purpose and mission depend solely on you. No one owes you anything. I had to remind myself of it today. I was losing my essence.
Please remember why you are here and what you envision.
I got this.
You got this.
Mondai nai!
-Ernesto
Words And Beats | Interview with Gene Katsuro
Hey friends,
Welcome to the first episode of Words and Beats with Phantasiis!
Today we are talking with Chicago based producer, Gene Katsuro from MakeYourOwnDamnMusic.
In this episode, we discuss Gene’s creative process and mindset towards music. We dive into how music shaped our lives and why we must save music and not the other way around. Also, we dive into the world of meditation and eastern philosophies on how our psychology affects our music output.
We also discuss mental health and touch base on our personal experiences and struggles.
This was a true honor for me because Gene was the one who motivated me to get serious about music and start releasing songs. I never thought that I will be interviewing him and I am thankful for this opportunity.
For more about his projects please see his links below:
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