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Lost and Found

Lost and Found

The feeling of being stuck and the struggle of change. 

I started to think that something was off with me when I started to feel physically exhausted and mentally clouded daily. Waking up was a pain, let alone staying awake for the first hours during work. During the night I seemed alive, and I didn’t want to sleep early at all. 

That’s how it started.

It was a slow buildup of a routine that I thought I could handle. Taking one hour or two of less sleep every day if I could recover them over the weekend, in theory. Add a miserable diet and the recipe was heading for a disaster.

I started to become aware of the hole I dug myself into. A few feet under in the name of productivity and my art. I felt that if I did my job well, and at the end of my shift I worked on music and played video games until late at night I was proving myself that I “could”. To perform well with little sleep and eating junk. Good luck with that.

I was paying the price of this disservice to myself. I started to notice that I was comfortable. Too comfortable where I was at the time. I started to feel that I needed a change. The question was, how was I supposed to change when I was too tired to begin with? It bothered me. 

Until my girlfriend suggested that I should try working my sleep first. That was hard to do at the beginning, even if I knew she had a point. The thought of not playing video games and making music for less time than usual caused me anxiety. I was going to “miss” the possibilities.

I started to get a clear picture when I started to listen to the book ‘Can’t Hurt Me’ by David Goggins. I needed a plan and motivation. That book delivered that and much more.

Hearing his story, mindset, and how he transformed himself was inspiring. It made me ‘cut through my bullshit’ and to ‘own the mornings’ among other lessons. It really made me realize that the human body was full of potential. I was letting that go away.

I started to focus more on my relationship with my girlfriend. Living through that self-induced depression was an act of selfishness on my end. It was hurting us both. Now I am working on being present for her and taking care of myself first.

I cut my hours of video games significantly and focused some of those hours into creating more music. I am working on releasing an EP that hopefully will be released before the fall. 

I started to fall asleep earlier and wake up early 6 days a week. I am starting to exercise again after a long hiatus. Mostly jogging, and bodyweight exercises. 

Thanks to my girlfriend, now I am fond of salads and making smoothies. I never consumed nor ate this amount of healthy stuff in a short period of time. It is intense how the body reacts to real food.

I’m working on developing a sustainable routine that brings me wellness and more time with my loved ones. There are days where I take a breaks, such as today. I’m writing this to reflect on how easy it is to get lost in our routines, and how I found myself through change. One thing at a time. 

I’m a work in progress, with no intention to end until further notice.

Lastly, I’d like to live you with this quote:

“Death smiles at us all, all a man can do is smile back.” – Marcus Aurelius

Mondai-nai!

Ernesto

Moving On, Moving Forward

Moving On, Moving Forward

We must carve our own paths.

I woke up this morning reflecting on the above. I feel that the best thing that ever happened to me was to thrive to be independent. I must confess it took longer than I expected.

I’m not sure if this is a thing but knowing that I’ll be 30 years old this year makes me introspective on my past, act in the present, and now see a more tangible future.

Saying ‘no’ to requests from others to protect my time and integrity has been key lately. I don’t want to be the person who is reached only when it is needed, nor being the facilitator to make things easy for someone when they are capable to do it themselves. The latter has been triggering to a point that I just stopped replying to such persons and even ignore them. Instant peace of mind.

I’m a helper by nature. However, I’m against stopping my overall growth as a person and especially hindering the growth of others. To elaborate, I do my best to not follow suit on favors, requests, etc. to friends, relatives, and colleagues who just want a quick fix on their needs or wants.

It is a bittersweet feeling knowing that people whom I considered close friends are now becoming distant because they don’t need anything from me. Which is a good thing and a reality check for me because I now understand that some people in life will only reach out when they need something from you who is going to benefit them exclusively.

During my quest on finding my voice through music and writing, I realize that I’m not like that. I don’t reach out to my network to ask for anything because I tend to do things own my own. I believe that there’s a dynamic that I tend to favor, which is helping someone when they’re not requesting it.

I believe there’s power in that.

When doing an act of good faith and at the same time not expecting anything in return that’s when to me, the magic happens.

I’ve been looking for opportunities to create an impact, even if minimal, within my circle of friends and relatives. Just doing, saying, or giving things that will help that person grow, and carve their own path with a new tool, new mental model, or new perspective.

There’s a thin line regarding that, and I must be mindful. Not everyone I know will take advantage when there’s opportunity to grow and move forward. Even me.

In short, I’m being more mindful on who I give my time and attention to. I want to know and find people who have a growth mindset and that like me, want to carve their own path.

New Single “In the Mood” out on January 15th

New Single “In the Mood” out on January 15th

Get in the mood with this song.

I approached this song in a unique way, and it turned out more organic than my usual theme. This song is a slow tempo song with a bass line that adds vibe to the song.

I hope that it teleports you somewhere special.

Thank you.

On Creativity,

Ernesto

New Single “Good Morning Sunshine” on January 8th

New Single “Good Morning Sunshine” on January 8th

Good morning!

This is the second song to be released on most streaming platforms this January 8th. This song is a good one to listen while having your morning coffee, hence the title.

You can pre-save it on Spotify by clicking here. You’ll have an option to share your email and get future updates on upcoming releases.

Thank you for listening.

On Creativity,

Ernesto

New Single “Shadow on the Wall” on January 8th

New Single “Shadow on the Wall” on January 8th

Happy New Year to you!

I’m starting by releasing some singles that I’ve been working on. The first one is called “Shadow on the Wall”, which is an instrumental song. It was a fun project to do. It is scheduled to be released on January 8th on most streaming platforms.

If you’d like to pre-save it on your Spotify, click here. You’ll have the option to add your email if you’d like to subscribe to my email list. I hope this song makes you imagine something or sends you to a good place.

Thank you for your support.

On Creativity,

Ernesto

Producing My First Vocal Recording

Producing My First Vocal Recording

I’ve been exploring my lyrics in Spanish, my first language. The reason for that is because I can rhyme and improvise better with it. My written and spoken English is more academic rather than metaphorical or artistic. I felt limited.

This process took several months of trial and error. I’m mostly self-thought on my music and production skills. At a certain point I felt certain guilt of investing so much time, money, and hours on this craft and not releasing anything to the world. While it is not a requirement, I felt compelled to share my music and change of sound since my old project Ernesto Delirium.

I remember that I wrote that Phantasiis was going to be a new project where I’ll focus on hip-hop, rap, and instrumentals. I’ve kept my word. However, this website wasn’t reflecting that.

Which brings me to this post.

Here’s my first attempt at producing a rap song made by yours truly. I’ve invested in a microphone and decided to try it, after much hesitation on my ability to create something different than a rough recording. I’ve used all the tools that I had available and mixed this song to the best of my ability.

It turned out decent.

To me this is huge as a self-thought music producer. It is a new milestone on my skillset. I’m working on some releases and writing lyrics as well. I’ll update you soon about it.

Happy New Year!

On New Beginnings,

-Ernesto

“Volverte A ver” | Demo | Prod. and Written by Phantasiis

“Volverte A ver” | Demo | Prod. and Written by Phantasiis

Hola, espero estes muy bien. Llevo mucho tiempo sin publicar aqui. Sin embargo, eh estado haciendo musica y letras para esas canciones. En ese video encontraras una de ellas. Y a mi de paso. Que estes bien, un abrazo. -Ernesto, “phantasiis”

“Volverte A ver” | Demo — Phantasiis

From my blog in Spanish.

I know I’ve been absent. I’ve been working on music and exploring lyrics in my first language. I hope you are doing great.

I’ll write a longer post with updates and news soon.

In case you’d like to follow my YouTube channel, you can do it here.

Create. Inspire.

On creativity,

-Ernesto

Motivation – You got this

Motivation – You got this

Seeking motivation when feeling in need of a little push. Someone who believes in me. Anybody. I wish I had people around who could tell me that I can do it. That they’re proud of me for what I’m doing.

Recognition and acknowledgment. Basic things that I believe everyone needs at different degrees. I want very little. I wished people who live with me, who know me, who are part of my life would say: you got this.

I write today to tell myself that I got this. I am whom I decide to become if I put in the work. Regardless if no one notices. Regardless that nobody really cares. I notice. I care.

Today was a day where I felt I was giving up. That I was throwing everything down. Dropping the ball. A day were I almost surrendered from my dreams and what I want.

And it did not happen. Not today. Not tomorrow. I won’t let it happen.

I’m making progress today by choosing to move forward. I chose myself. I do not need approval other than my own. I am motivating myself through writing. I hope that you don’t give up and get that motivation to move through.

I believe in you and I acknowledge you. I know I don’t know you, but know that like me, you are not really alone in this. You have what you carry inside. What gets you moving, what pushes you.

Remember why you are here. Your purpose and mission depend solely on you. No one owes you anything. I had to remind myself of it today. I was losing my essence.

Please remember why you are here and what you envision.

I got this.

You got this.

Mondai nai!

-Ernesto

Photo by Prateek Katyal on Pexels.com

Words And Beats | Interview with Gene Katsuro

Words And Beats | Interview with Gene Katsuro

Hey friends,

Welcome to the first episode of Words and Beats with Phantasiis!

Today we are talking with Chicago based producer, Gene Katsuro from MakeYourOwnDamnMusic.

In this episode, we discuss Gene’s creative process and mindset towards music. We dive into how music shaped our lives and why we must save music and not the other way around. Also, we dive into the world of meditation and eastern philosophies on how our psychology affects our music output.

We also discuss mental health and touch base on our personal experiences and struggles.

This was a true honor for me because Gene was the one who motivated me to get serious about music and start releasing songs. I never thought that I will be interviewing him and I am thankful for this opportunity.

For more about his projects please see his links below:

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/HowToMak…

Imminent Chaos | Dark Emotional Beat

Imminent Chaos | Dark Emotional Beat

Buy here: https://bsta.rs/1b7c030

I’d like to share with you my newest beat on Beatstars. This one was an interesting one for me because I didn’t expect to turn this dark. When I started making the beat, I was envisioning a feeling of closure, a feeling of redemption.

It turned out differently.

Once I started adding the melodies, I instantly felt the desperation the sound was portraying. Imaging a feeling of sadness that happens when you know something inevitable is going to happen. Hence, the title, “Imminent Chaos”. It felt right to name it that way.

As far as the structure goes, I went to a fast tempo, 150 bpm with a half time feeling. I spend more time on my hi hat patterns because I feel that’s one of the areas to improve with my music. Also, I tried different patterns with the kick drum. I liked how it turned out at the end.

One thing I still need to be okay with is the 808 bass. I’m sure I will make them sound better. On this occasion, the whole mix peaks at -6db. I hope to hear what a mixing engineer can do with the stems.

Please let me know what you think of it. Constructive feedback is always welcomed. Feel free to use the contact form to get in touch.

Let’s Inspire and Create,

-Ernesto

Pandemia Y Desamor | Instrumental Beat for Sale/Lease

Pandemia Y Desamor  | Instrumental Beat for Sale/Lease

https://www.beatstars.com/beat/pandemia-y-desamor-88bpm-5658753

I’d like to start with some updates since my last post:

I feel back to normal from my severe insomnia that I had for months. Now I have a more structured day and normal hours. I’ve been making music regularly and I’ve reached a point where I decided to move forward to the next step with Phantasiis:

Start giving value to what I make.

That’s why I decided to make the first step and created a Beatstars account. I only have this song for now and I will upload some unreleased songs in the next few days. It’s a nerve-racking feeling because I never tried to sell my music, other than sharing my songs from Spotify or SoundCloud. I feel that I’m at level where I feel that my music sounds the way I like.

I have a creative project going on in the background for all of you, which I hope you’ll enjoy. I’ll write more about the details once I have a finished product. For now, it is a mystery (?).

On another note, I started to play my electric guitar again out of nowhere. Not necessarily creating something with the intention to record it, but just for the fun and the pure pleasure of it. I realized that my hands actually get sore now after extended play. I suppose it is time to do those stretching exercises (there’s some by John Petrucci on Youtube in case you’d like to do some, too).

Also, I’d like to share with you that this is my first week as a Graduate student. It is interesting how life as turned out. I’m working on becoming a Marriage and Family Therapist. I hope to keep you posted on my progress and stuff that I find interesting. I miss writing psychology articles, such as the one for Morita Therapy that I did a few years ago.

It feels good be writing for the blog again. I hope that you are doing well. As always, feel free to email me using the contact form with your comments or questions.

Let’s Inspire and Create.

To New Adventures,

-Ernesto

‘Ya No Te Conozco’ | [Video] Demo by Phantasiis

‘Ya No Te Conozco’ | [Video] Demo by Phantasiis

Hello,

Here’s a video of a song I wrote in July. It’s in Spanish. I hope that you like it.

I was having lots of nostalgia when I was writing the lyrics, and the music felt right. There’s times where I write the music first, and the lyrics follow suit. Other times it’s the opposite.

I have a feeling that sometimes when I’m in a flow state the song writes itself. Has this happened to you?

Let me know.

Inspire and Create,

-Ernesto