The following line is from my journal:
I’m scared of how much damage I can do.
The reason for that is due to the damage I’ve caused to people I love.
The problem is that I tend to realize it once I’ve done it. I feel that my intention is never to cause distress to others. Still, I manage to say things that do just that.
These situations don’t happen often. When they do, however, I feel puzzled and with inner conflict. I’m glad that most of them end up being resolved after talking things out.
But the damage was there.
I feel that the reason it happens is because I stop being present. I get into a negative thinking trap. That’s when I see this pattern happening.
What I’m going to do is to take one-second of awareness. I was reminded of this recently.
Realizing where I am, with whom, and in what setting. Attune myself with my environment and with the people around me because I tend to be day dreaming a lot. That makes me detached from the present moment a lot, making me unaware with what’s going on.
Meanwhile, I got the opportunity to share a moment of meditation with someone important to me. It was a great experience to share that mindful moment.
This time it felt different. I felt that I lost myself and became one with the environment. I had my eyes open when this was happening.
I’m hoping to reach that state of awareness and interconnectedness again.
And to close this post, I would like to end with this:
I’m happy of how much calmness I can share.
Mondai nai,
-Ernesto
