Angry With A Choice

Choosing how to react when something happens to you is a skill. I’ve been practicing it during the winter break. It’s knowing that you are in control of your reaction, regardless of the emotion being present.

This practice comes handy during times when your only option is to be strong.

It’s been a tough winter break to say the least. One of my loved ones has a health condition that needs care. Our family has been taking action, getting things done in order to have things in order.

It’s the uncertainty and lack of control of the situation that has been a challenge.

But I’ve been adopting the concept of acceptance of the situation as it is, and keep going regardless. It’s something I’ve started working on for about a year. It was the idea that instead of being lost in thought –which aggravated my anxiety– and started doing something that would help my wellbeing or my environment.

I discovered that this idea was called Morita Therapy. I’ve heard about it by chance through a podcast. A few months after, I bought the book, and it has provided insight and self-reflection.

I’ve been mindful about what is triggering my anger, insecurity, and withdrawal at times.

It’s the idea of feeling vulnerable.

The idea that things can go wrong too fast and too soon. The sensation that you’re racing against the clock, with something that you don’t know what it is, but it’s beating the hell out of you.

And you know what? that’s okay.

One thing that makes us human is that we are aware about the impermanence of our existence. To some, also how short our time is here. How small we are, and at times, how fragile our beings are.

I’m becoming aware of how I’m spending my time, and also if being angry at something or someone is worth the effort. I’m realizing that most of the time, is not worth getting trapped in anger that I’m not going to do anything about other than feeling miserable.

Mind me, I do get angry a lot. The problem is that I’m proficient at internalizing all the feelings, not that proficient at letting them go. That’s when my body reacts after reaching its limit.

It’s when I turn impatient. Reactive instead of proactive. Less smiling and more frowning. Stop caring for what I usually care. Less talkative and more direct.

What I’ve been doing is checking in with my feelings constantly. Being aware of my breathing, my voice, the way I walk. In short, taking a minute to see how I’m doing. Seeing what I am paying attention to.

 

Once you know what’s going on, it’s easier to stop your reactivity, and focus on a better way on how to react. That’s a powerful choice to have.

To wrap up, take stock on how are you feeling, and see if you can react in a different way. That’s what I’ve been practicing lately. Taking a goddamn second in order to have a better day.

Thank you for reading.

Let me know what you think in the comments or through the Contact form.

-Ernesto