A hurricane of urgent thoughts.
All of them seem important.
All of them seem useless, too.
An unbearable necessity to solve them.
A never-ending loop of negativity.
The feedback loop stops the moment I write it down.
All of the sudden, the hurricane disappears.
These past two weeks have been restful and unusually productive. I would be lying if I said that it was perfect, and that I was always focused or purpose driven. Nonetheless, it was something I did not know that I needed, a good break. Time to do what I wanted with no fixed schedule. However, there were periods of hesitation where I could not bring myself to write on the blog. I knew I wanted to do it, but it seemed a daunting task. It seemed scary.
The more I tried to analyze why I was avoiding it, the less clear it was. Perhaps I was stressed or anxious about doing it? Maybe. I do think that I felt compelled to write something meaningful. I had the intention, but not the focus. I could not narrow it down to anything specific. I love the act of writing. I find it mentally challenging, since English is my second language. It is an art form that I am working on regularly. My problem was, that I had this so-called “writer’s block.” It has happened to me before, and usually, I did not mind it at all because I was doing other things. This time was different. It felt as if I was not doing something I had to do, even if I was doing other important tasks. It felt that a quintessential aspect of my life was absent. Perhaps I was absent. I felt unfinished.
I decided to forget about writing for some days, despite having an ocean of thoughts that wanted to get out of my head. I started to read blogs at random. Suddenly, by reading other people’s struggles, achievements, and openness about various topics, my mind regained focus once again. I felt ready to get back at it.
The tribulations of my mind were eager to be liberated.
And here am I, writing for pleasure and necessity.
The storm passed through me. I am still here.
You are here, too.
On writing,
–E.
