The time to explore, experiment, and create music has started again. After focusing on summer school, I finally have some time to record ideas.
On that note, hitting the record button was a scary thing to do.
I have been recording more consistently for the last two years. During that period, I was fearless of the outcome. I was in a flow state every time that I pressed record. Even though the sound was not what I envisioned in my head, I did see improvements overtime. Making music gives me a purpose, and instant gratification when I do it. I could skip meals and lose sleep when I am on that state. Days after finishing and releasing my last EP, I felt something different when I grabbed the guitar: I could not keep a flow state, nor record consistently. It was frustrating. It was scary.
It seemed that I reached a creative plateau. Somehow, the record button became a scary thing after several attempts. It was the first time that I was doubting myself. To a degree, this lack of flow and rhythm was causing me anxiety because I did not find any logical reason for it. I had been practicing and learning about mixing, and working on my technique. After releasing the last EP, everything felt off musically speaking. I decided to take a break from playing and recording. It was not an easy choice for me because music is one of the few stress relievers that I have. There were times that I wanted to create music, but the memories and sensations associated with the record button made me avoidant to it. I did however, listened to new records and explored bands and playlists in shuffle mode, analyzing and comparing those songs with my own. I listened to all my releases several times and studied them, figuring out how could the future works could be better.
Lastly, I bought a new guitar.
To me, that was the moment when I felt ready and with the need to do this guitar justice. And I started playing, getting lost in the new tones and the feel of the guitar itself. This practice lasted several days without any worry to record ideas or anything: I was just enjoying the act of playing. That realization gave me a moment of clarity. I understood that, for me, it is more important and gratifying to grab my instrument and play for the sake of playing, and not with the main goal of recording. At this stage of my musical path, that should be secondary. This realization was a relief, and the answer to my musical anxiety.
Earlier today, I grabbed my guitar and started playing, with no intention to record. I was just being present, living the moment and with great company. Then, without hesitation, anxiety or fear, I opened an unfinished project and started recording again. Pressing the record button was not scary anymore. It was quite the opposite, an old familiar feeling of goodness. I found the confidence I needed to record again. That makes me happy.
Expect an EP in the near future that will have guitar ideas.
My question to you is, if you have experienced something similar, what happened in order for you to get back at your craft?
Let me know in the comments.
-E.
Phantasiis 