Music has been my emotional release lately. I had tried meditation several times and it does help to reach mental clarity. There is something unique when I am making music, however. I probably have not much experience yet with meditation to fully reach its benefits. I believe it makes me think better when I do it. When I am making music, the uniqueness that happens is that I do not necessarily have to be still, as meditation, to achieve a similar benefit. I consider it an active form of meditation with an immediate feedback. For instance, if I feel anxious, sad, happy, or aggressive emotions just to name a few, I could play something portraying that emotion. Since it is hard sometimes to express what one feels with words, music can mimic to a degree how I feel. Meanwhile, if I decide that I do not want to feel sad, I could attempt to play an idea in a major key, in order to produce something meaningful and diametrically opposite of what I feel at that moment. Doing the latter helps me to do some type of “emotional alchemy” if that makes sense. Transforming one emotion to another one.
On the other hand, one thing to note is that there are periods where I stop doing everything that makes me feel good. For a couple of days, and weeks at worst, I stop being focused. Instead, I get distracted by things that really do not matter, but somehow I focus on them as if they do.
Usually, I become aware of my distraction when it is beyond the initial stage, and it is well established on my environment. First, my bedroom that also serves as my music studio has the strong foundation of a well-organized mess. Second, doing laundry seems a thing I forgot how to do. Then, my fridge is empty at the same ratio that the trashcan is filled of junk food packages. This cycle happens more often that I would like to admit. However, I had found my focus once again. The time of solitude, reflection, and a bad diet has given me some clarity on this matter: I am a creative individual that has not fostered discipline on the self.
It will take time and effort to achieve some type of stability that I could maintain without thinking about it. I recovered some of my focus, and somehow it feels as if I found something rare. I would like to keep it, and do an effort to not lose it again among my organized disorder. I hope, that writing about this will help me consolidate this idea, and also serve as a starting point.